30 weeks

my pregnancy so far in pics..... 12 weeks.

16 weeks

20 weeks

24 weeks

28 weeks

30 weeks... which is now.

it's funny because I really didn't have a bump, then it explodes. i love my bump. i love watching my bump move and kick. what i don't love is the pain i have due to my growing bump. i just don't have the endurance that i did with Sophia. i can't work out, i can't walk very far without having some pretty intense pelvic pain. my uterus just didn't have enough time to recover and got pretty stretched out last time, so it just isn't holding up like it should. i guess i don't have too much further to go, so i can make it. today i went to the pool for the first time, which was magical- i could stretch and move my body like it doesn't weigh a ton. so i am a fan. i may be doing that even after days of work to stretch out and move around.

i have had some baby showers- which have been amazing. i am so overwhelmed with the love and gifts for our sweet lil baby. going to my closet of baby stuff is my happy place. i love looking through it all and playing with it. the hard part is that we are working on hopefully buying a house, as our lease is up at the end of July- yep! 2 weeks before my due date. so we are trying to figure out what our next step is. until then- all the baby stuff has to stay packed up. which is a bummer... since all i want to do right now is set it all up and get ready for our guy! so instead i have washed the baby clothes and organized them. which is making due for now. 

look at the awesome shirt i scored for the little man... can't wait for him to wear it.

here is the most recent pic- and last one from our ultrasound last week. the little guy's profile. he is in the 60th percentile- so growing just fine and doing great! they think he is about 3 lbs now, and going to be a healthy regular sized little guy. it's weird to think that the baby is all ready as long as Sophia was. i'm fairly sure when they hand me a big long baby i'm not going to know what to do with it. it's going to seem weird. the next time i see his cute little face will be when he is born. weird.

the only other thing i have going on... is that I am still struggling to believe I will bring home a baby. it's hard to picture what life will look like and how it will finally change. as i have friends giving birth and getting to take home babies, I am trying to picture ours. all i can see is the birth and then i can't imagine a baby that needs my care and attention. all this i know is normal, but it's still something i am trying to prepare myself for. hopefully i can set up a nursery soon which will help me picture things and prepare myself.

other than that life is moving forward. i had other things to tell... but i can't remember what. ill blame it on the baby brain. ha. maybe later!

mama t.

giddy

yep that pretty much sums up my state of mind.

i have a baby shower this coming weekend and i couldn't be any more excited.

this week's sermon at church was all about gratitude. gratitude is being thankful- but not only are you grateful, but you are realizing you have been given something that you do not deserve.

all i could think about was how incredibly grateful i am to be having a baby shower. i don't deserve to be so loved and taken care of in this way. i don't deserve it. but oh how my heart has longed for it. most people want to get rid of the baby junk filling up their house. i honestly can't get enough of it. hence why our stroller is in our living room. i hate clutter but having baby stuff sitting around my house fills my heart with joy. i would gladly step over a million baby things than not. it reminds me that life is changing and moving forward- and in that life is a baby that we get to bring home and take care of.

i know that before Sophia i would have enjoyed baby showers but not to the full amount... it's awkward ooohing and awwing over stuff for your nipples or products to put on a baby's butt. but i have a fully different view on all of it now. i feel so honored that i will have a little booty to put that stuff on. i love picturing that cute little booty and it makes me cry just the idea of having a shower. i feel so blessed that i get to share this little life growing inside of me with others... and that he is all ready so loved and cared for. i can't tell you how honored i am that people are willing to spend their time coming to spend time at a celebration.

i'm so over-whelmed with joy. the funny thing is that one would expect me to be sad we didn't get to have a shower for Sophia... but i really don't. i feel like thanks to all of our family and friends (including you all) she was celebrated beyond belief. no we didn't get showered in baby stuff- but we were showered in love, prayers and other kinds of thoughtful gifts. which was exactly what we needed. and my gratitude for that goes beyond my ability to say it in words. her life was celebrated and she was loved.

if you ask any parent every child and pregnancy is different. well that rings true for me. my children are thought of and celebrated in very different ways. i'm thankful for my daughter and the lessons she taught me about gratitude. she helped me love her brother and be more thankful for him than i would have been otherwise. someday we will all have to thank her for all she has done for us. but first i will maul her in kisses and hugs. dibs.

-one grateful momma.

(excuse my poor photo quality from my phone)

20 weeks- half way there

well we are half way there. what a blessing.

my goofy hubby below helped us score a great deal on a BOB stroller. Gotta love REI garage sales!

me at 20 weeks

a little comparison of our sweet babies:

                                                                       little man's foot                                                                     

      Sophia's foot

isn't it interesting you can all ready see that his is long and skinny like most newborn's feet are, and how her adorable foot was short and chubby- much like her :o)

little man's profile

Sophia's profile. 

note the differences in the chest size and face!

today i bought more kits to make these footprint ornaments for the little man- so he can be just like his big sister! 

sometimes when i see pictures of us- i feel sad that we won't be able to take a picture that includes our whole family. i know this is a life long issue that families deal with when you lose someone. you never feel like your picture includes everyone.  i wish that when he gets here i would have my arms full with my sweet children... instead i guess i get to hug him even better with just him to love on. poor kid is going to be smothered- if not by us then by our families.

what a great month and coming months- i was studying to get my certification as a neuroscience nurse- and i PASSED!! woo hoo. this month i get to do a photography class and visit my besty. next month i get to have not 1 but 2 baby showers! it's a bit early (26/28 weeks) but i don't really want to wait much longer to fly back home, as it is just so uncomfortable to be super pregnant and flying.  i can't tell you how excited i am- mainly just to celebrate with so many people that have prayed and cared for us over the last 1.5 years. 

anyway- one little thing to pray for- they have seen mild amounts of urine in the baby's kidneys. most of the time it is just due to the tubing to let the urine out gets looped/kinked while the boy parts are growing out. but of course they have to tell you all the other things it could be (which of course scare us). i had to laugh that when they give you stats on the fact you are low risk for something to bad happen- like 1 out of 35,000 which sounds like good odds- but we have been that 1 in 60,000 with Sophia. so odds aren't always comforting in our situation. we are trying to not worry about it- as Dr A says we shouldn't. so prayers would be appreciated that it goes away and doesn't indicate anything bigger going on. 

thank you for still reading and caring about our story as it continues on.

-mama t

its a....

That my friends is our healthy little BOY! 

(sorry my pics aren't very good- they were taken with my cell)

and those are the long.... normal sized legs. i love what Dr A wrote on the pic! 

we couldn't get over how big he looks compared to Sophia's. you really can tell the difference.

those are the two cute little feet that have started kicking me this week (well they have been kicking for awhile but I have just started feeling it). i absolutely love that part about pregnancy- where you can feel them moving and kicking. I am just feeling light little movement now- but it is definitely baby and i love it. it did make me a little sad as it reminds me of when Sophia used to kick me- she was a sassy little thing that even with her little limbs- always let me know she was there. i'll be interested to see how  it is different with a bigger baby.

like father like son....

his first outfit from his daddy.

i'll be honest- I have been a little (though my husband would say a lot) crazy/anxious in the past few weeks. i still wasn't showing a baby bump at all (so every night i was making him feel my stomach to feel for a baby). i was starting to freak out that something was wrong and that is why i wasn't growing in the middle. even though last time i was pregnant, i didn't show until 20 weeks or so. my problem is not knowing what is normal for me and what was due to having a smaller baby. Dr A's vote is that I just have a lot of space for a baby and that is why and since it took me so much longer to show compared to my friends, i guess now i believe her.  because look what came out this week.... a tiny little baby bump. i finally feel pregnant now (at 17 weeks).

now that i am finally able to feel and look pregnant, i finally feel like i am able to move forward with the pregnancy. my therapist kept pushing me to register and plan a nursery.... but i'll be honest, it is really hard to imaging actually having a baby to bring home. that this will really happen. that our lives will change this time in the way most new parents do- chaos and learning how to parent. but i think this week that has changed (she will be so proud of me) now that i feel pregnant and am starting to acknowledge i may actually end up with a baby at the end of this. i may actually get to hear my little boy's cry's and take him home to love on him a ridiculous amount. i get to see my husband be a daddy to our child for longer than a few hours. my hope is restored. i feel like i can believe again.

so this week- i seriously worked on the registries and thought about a nursery. i bought tickets to go home for baby showers. i met with work to figure out what my job will look like after the baby. we are starting to make plans for a new kind of budget and where we will live. we have talked about names for him... endlessly not agreeing yet.

next month we get another ultrasound- to check the heart since we couldn't see every part this week (it was still a little small at 16 weeks to see it well). oh darn! i get to see him again! we get to be relieved again that all is well (hopefully).

thank you for your prayers and continued thoughts. please continue to pray for his health and mine. i have been having a lot of heart palpitations this whole pregnancy. i finally mentioned it to them and am going to see a cardiologist this week. i had them once before about 3 years ago, but with the tiny work up we did, it didn't show anything but that i was having them and the dr said not to be worried. so we will see. i feel better actually getting checked out.

-baby boy dinkel's mommy.

baby dinkel #2

i have been dying to share with you all what has been on our hearts for the past few months:

Yep!! we found out in the beginning of December that God has blessed us with Baby Dinkel #2. we are so excited and terrified at the same time. 

these have been my friends.... i cannot get enough salty things...

i have drank alot of these!

our 8 week ultrasound.

Sophia's big sister shirt...

me at 12 weeks... no baby bump yet...

this week we had our 12 week ultrasound. which was a huge sigh of relief. 

i have been very anxious so far- worried that something would go wrong or that i should have a baby bump all ready and that the baby was small again. i mean i know that anything can go wrong at any time, but seeing that heart beat helped me take a deep breath. they also went and looked at the baby and stated that it's chest and arms/legs look normal sized. (Sophia's were both very small and if we had done a 12 week ultrasound would have all ready seen that they didn't look right) i started crying from the relief that this baby looks normal so far and that it is growing just fine. it actually was a little on the bigger size- which is fine by us. i also got to talk with dr A who gave me a pep talk too. she said that last time i was so big and should have been much more uncomfortable with all the extra amniotic fluid than i was- so I must just have a lot of room for a baby. it is so great having a dr who understands why i get a little anxious about this stuff and is willing to encourage me whenever i need it.

anyway- we are due around 08.18.12. i still find it a little hard to visualize or imagine bringing home a baby, but am so excited to be a mommy again. i can't wait to register for baby stuff, buy baby stuff, have baby showers, set up a real nursery... all of that fun pregnancy stuff that i didn't really get to do last time. most of all- we can't wait to hold this sweet baby... and tell it all about it's big sister.

we appreciate continued prayers for a healthy pregnancy and baby. and for my anxiety- that i continue to find peace and rest in God's plan. in 4 weeks we will measure the arms and legs and rule out for sure what Sophia had and hopefully find out if it is a boy or girl.

all our love- mommy, daddy, big sister sophia

thank you

i just wanted to take a moment to thank all of you that helped carry us through that time after we lost Sophia- the meals, the donations for meals... and the CARDS!!!

I have kept them... all 122 of them that we have gotten for sophia over the past year.

i am not sure what to do with them, as I do not like to keep stuff to just keep it.  so i went through the cards one last time (reading each one) and will be getting rid of them. it reminded me how we received so many cards from so many different parts of our life- and even some from people we have never met. they warmed my heart reading how many people can't wait to meet our little girl in heaven and prayed for us. it is a little over-whelming to think of all the people thinking and praying for us. how the heavens must have been swarmed with such loving prayers.

i remember feeling bad i couldn't write everyone thank you's for everything- there just wasn't words or the emotion for me to say how much it meant to us. especially the meals, gifts and donations in her memory.  so again i thank you all for getting us through this time and still now- supporting us.

in deepest gratitude- tristen and aj

happy first birthday

happy birthday our beautiful sweet sweet girl...

it is so hard to believe that 1 year ago today we held you in our arms for a time that was far too short.  going back through all of your pictures and video, reminded me how far we have come. from those hours that I remember spending with you and you seemed so real and special, to the days after where we were in a grieving fog of tears and pain. the first few months were really really hard. then day by day, month by month we were given peace and our pain lessened. although our memories and love for you will never change. i remember the day you were born- we loved on you and talked to you and smothered you with more kisses and cuddles that one would ever think possible in just a few hours. when i left the hospital- i was in complete shock- i couldn't believe what had just happened and was too tired to feel very much. then that night after dinner, while we were sitting on the couch with some family, i finally realized- oh my gosh! i had a baby today (which felt like it had happened so long ago at that point) and she isn't here and my heart hurt more than i could fathom. (thank goodness for sleeping medications)

i look back and see how far aj and i have come- both personally and in our marriage. what a year this has been. one i never ever want to relive, but one i am so thankful for having gone through- because this meant you came in to our lives.  we are parents because you existed and we cared for you the best God would allow us.

today we brought you a cupcake (that had sprinkles on it- because we thought if you were here you would have liked that) with a #1 on it, a rose, a card from your daddy and we bought a present for you that we are going to donate in your memory.  can i just note- how stinking cute it would have been to watch you dig in to a cupcake with your cute little arms and hands. although i'm sure with the dinkel in you- you could take down some sweets.

there were some much needed/due tears and some laughs. when we lit your candle we sang you happy birthday- and as soon as we finished- the candle blew out. we both laughed and smiled thinking that you blew your candle out. it was perfect timing! we miss you and our hearts are full with love for you. our family and friends have been so very thoughtful this week- they have sent flowers, cards and so many loving thoughts/prayers. it helped carry us through.

the flowers we got from work...

i also put together a slide show of pictures of sophia and our time with her.... it took me awhile to decide if i wanted to share it, but you have prayed with us and carried us through our year. i am honored to show you our precious time with our daughter.

enjoy...

http://youtu.be/7AQJajqpzoY

love- sophia's mommy and daddy