quick update

well this little boy is still cooking.

last week i started having some headaches, swelling and nausea.  so i came to work and dipped my urine and got some protein and had an elevated blood pressure for me... which for other people is still a normal reading, but still abnormal for me. called the dr office and they had me come in. labs showed high protein in my urine too. told me to drink up and come in the next day- hoping i was dehydrated. then on friday got more labs done- they called saying i was pre-eclamptic and to come back in for an ultrasound and non-stress test for the baby.

at that point we are freaking out- not feeling ready to have a baby yet- although i was going on 37 weeks and he would be fine... we just aren't fully unpacked and prepared on our end. ha. the ultrasound showed the little guy is growing just fine- all ready 6 lbs 12 oz... but the dr i saw wasn't concerned like the nurse practiioners were. told me to take tylenol and drink up.

monday appt- i had gained 3lbs of fluid since thursday (have drank gallons of water by this point) but seem to be retaining more of it now. so they are having me collect 24 hours of urine for a more accurate protien count and redo some labs since i had some abnormally shaped blood cells that indicate pre-eclampsia. i turned all that in today and drew labs.  so we shall see what they say.

if i am pre-eclamptic we will just induce and bring the little guy on early- though at this point i'm not early... almost 38 weeks. i am bummed to have to induce but all i care about is a heatlhy baby and keeping myself healthy too.

holy cow! it is august- i will have a baby this month! that is what keeps running through my mind, whether we induce or not a baby is coming soon. we spent this weekend and beginning of the week getting things semi finished. our tiny little apartment is ready for the little guy.

part of me is getting a little anxious- waiting is hard as i am starting to worry a little that something will go wrong. that i will have gone through 2 pregnancies and again not end up with a baby. i know it is normal to be worried- but it is annoying. i hate having those thoughts cross my mind. when they do i try to stop and just say- God you have this. this baby is yours no matter what. please allow us the chance to raise this baby and love on him.  so far i am doing okay.

it's getting more real and i think aj and i are both realizing that we may actually come home with a baby and woah! life is going to change. how am i going to be a mommy and wife? how will i give my hubby the attention he deserves and wants along with caring for a baby as well? all things that people figure out and i know i will... well we will. i can't wait for it. my heart longs to hold another one of my babies- last time was not nearly long enough. i'm sure it is going to be emotional and bring back memories of holding our sweet girl (although he is going to seem ginormous compared to her). i just feel so happy and blessed to get to do this again. i long for hearing those sweet crys that i didn't get to hear last time. a baby gasping for air as his parents cry tears of joy. i can't wait to tell him all about her.

speaking of our girl- we did the String Of Pearls run/walk this past weekend in her memory again. well we just helped at the event this year since we didn't have much of a team and i couldn't partake in a hot walk. once i get the pic off my camera i will put it on here- i love that each year we will be able to document our family at the event and how it grows. this year was easier than last- our hearts weren't so fresh with pain. it's fun to wear our rose pins and be proud parents of such a special girl and life.

anyway- that is my lunch break (we don't have internet at our apt) guess it wasn't such a quick update. ha. oops.

soon to be holding a baby in my arms- t

july post

i can't believe it is mid-july all ready.... well maybe i can. a lot has happened or not happened, i'll do a mini recap:

aj got deployed on a wild fire for 3 weeks doing his fireman thing- finally got back safe and sound last week. 

my pelvic region is still what i like to call- broken and some days i can't even walk without intense shooting pain. (besides the pain, it just is a bummer i can't really do very much in my last weeks of freedom)

the babysitter we thought we had lined up for after the baby fell through, so we are back to figuring out a game plan for this fall.

my job situation is still up in the air for after the baby- since i can't do my current job part time- and i wanna be a mommy more than work. so we are praying some kind of something comes up in the next few months.

our plans to buy a house aren't really coming through in a timely manner, so we, well i had to run around (while aj was deployed) and find us a short term rental to give us more time. the positive- it gives us time not to feel rushed in to buying a house. the negative- it is a 1 bedroom, so no way to set up a nursery like this nesting mommy would like, and it's a bit above what we had budgeted for with the baby... so we have to re-evaluate a few things. but we move on Sat....

but you know what?! none of this matters.... because we are going to have a baby!!! i don't know if God has just given me peace now or if i know the only thing that is important to me is the sweet baby i am cooking up.

here is me at 35 weeks this weekend: 

i have started having dreams of me actually having a baby- which with both pregnancies is the first time. i guess i couldn't picture myself actually having a baby until lately. the first one i had a baby boy and in my dream i was doing a lot of the day to day stuff a mommy does. but when i went to change his diaper i realized he was missing some toes on one foot and had extra on the other... then noticed he had some other abnormalities. i was shocked and kept thinking (in my dream) that maybe aj and i shouldn't have more babies- that maybe we can't make healthy ones. then my dream moved on and while i was changing him he peed on his own face in only the way a baby boy can do- and i laughed a lot.  it's weird how your worries come about in your dreams. i don't think i am necessarily worried about this baby having things wrong any more, but i guess some part of me may be. i would think that after what we went through with Sophia that i will never be worry free with a pregnancy.

the second dream was last night and mainly i was trying to get the hang of breastfeeding and kept going different places and having to stop and feed my baby. which was cool- as i really really can't wait to do that. i think that with sophia that was the one thing i was hoping i could do with her, like if she lived for only a few hours that i could feel what that is like.  it's the one part of being a mommy that i haven't gotten to experience yet... i mean besides like actually bringing a baby home and getting to care for it.

anyway. it's interesting doing this again, as last time i wasn't afraid of the birth- as i was so excited to meet our little girl and get it over with. and when i say get it over with- i don't mean that in a bad way, but it had been such a long road and i was ready to see what was going to happen. i didn't know enough to be scared about birth.

this time- i am still very close (time wise) to my last birth and it was a really hard birth... 3 hours of active pushing. i'm kind of terrified to give birth to a bigger baby- as that one was pretty rough and she was small, so i can't help but think a bigger baby is going to really suck. maybe because i didn't have that baby to hold and care for afterward, that it is the only thing i can remember. i'm hoping that this one goes quicker and easier and is less painful (all the way around). i pray the joy that comes afterward is like amnesia and wipes away a lot of the memory of birth. ha.

either way- we are getting really really excited. aj likes to talk to the little man (no we haven't agreed on a name yet) and put his head on my stomach so the baby can hit him. it really surprises him how hard he can kick and we talk about how different it was with sophia. she had sweet gentle pushes but not these severe kicks that sometimes scare me. although the pregnancies have been completely different, one thing that won't be different is the completely ridiculous amount of love we have for our children. we love them both so much and although we will show it in different ways, it will be equal and special.

we will keep you updated as we only have like a month from wed left! woo hoo.

-mama t

30 weeks

my pregnancy so far in pics..... 12 weeks.

16 weeks

20 weeks

24 weeks

28 weeks

30 weeks... which is now.

it's funny because I really didn't have a bump, then it explodes. i love my bump. i love watching my bump move and kick. what i don't love is the pain i have due to my growing bump. i just don't have the endurance that i did with Sophia. i can't work out, i can't walk very far without having some pretty intense pelvic pain. my uterus just didn't have enough time to recover and got pretty stretched out last time, so it just isn't holding up like it should. i guess i don't have too much further to go, so i can make it. today i went to the pool for the first time, which was magical- i could stretch and move my body like it doesn't weigh a ton. so i am a fan. i may be doing that even after days of work to stretch out and move around.

i have had some baby showers- which have been amazing. i am so overwhelmed with the love and gifts for our sweet lil baby. going to my closet of baby stuff is my happy place. i love looking through it all and playing with it. the hard part is that we are working on hopefully buying a house, as our lease is up at the end of July- yep! 2 weeks before my due date. so we are trying to figure out what our next step is. until then- all the baby stuff has to stay packed up. which is a bummer... since all i want to do right now is set it all up and get ready for our guy! so instead i have washed the baby clothes and organized them. which is making due for now. 

look at the awesome shirt i scored for the little man... can't wait for him to wear it.

here is the most recent pic- and last one from our ultrasound last week. the little guy's profile. he is in the 60th percentile- so growing just fine and doing great! they think he is about 3 lbs now, and going to be a healthy regular sized little guy. it's weird to think that the baby is all ready as long as Sophia was. i'm fairly sure when they hand me a big long baby i'm not going to know what to do with it. it's going to seem weird. the next time i see his cute little face will be when he is born. weird.

the only other thing i have going on... is that I am still struggling to believe I will bring home a baby. it's hard to picture what life will look like and how it will finally change. as i have friends giving birth and getting to take home babies, I am trying to picture ours. all i can see is the birth and then i can't imagine a baby that needs my care and attention. all this i know is normal, but it's still something i am trying to prepare myself for. hopefully i can set up a nursery soon which will help me picture things and prepare myself.

other than that life is moving forward. i had other things to tell... but i can't remember what. ill blame it on the baby brain. ha. maybe later!

mama t.

giddy

yep that pretty much sums up my state of mind.

i have a baby shower this coming weekend and i couldn't be any more excited.

this week's sermon at church was all about gratitude. gratitude is being thankful- but not only are you grateful, but you are realizing you have been given something that you do not deserve.

all i could think about was how incredibly grateful i am to be having a baby shower. i don't deserve to be so loved and taken care of in this way. i don't deserve it. but oh how my heart has longed for it. most people want to get rid of the baby junk filling up their house. i honestly can't get enough of it. hence why our stroller is in our living room. i hate clutter but having baby stuff sitting around my house fills my heart with joy. i would gladly step over a million baby things than not. it reminds me that life is changing and moving forward- and in that life is a baby that we get to bring home and take care of.

i know that before Sophia i would have enjoyed baby showers but not to the full amount... it's awkward ooohing and awwing over stuff for your nipples or products to put on a baby's butt. but i have a fully different view on all of it now. i feel so honored that i will have a little booty to put that stuff on. i love picturing that cute little booty and it makes me cry just the idea of having a shower. i feel so blessed that i get to share this little life growing inside of me with others... and that he is all ready so loved and cared for. i can't tell you how honored i am that people are willing to spend their time coming to spend time at a celebration.

i'm so over-whelmed with joy. the funny thing is that one would expect me to be sad we didn't get to have a shower for Sophia... but i really don't. i feel like thanks to all of our family and friends (including you all) she was celebrated beyond belief. no we didn't get showered in baby stuff- but we were showered in love, prayers and other kinds of thoughtful gifts. which was exactly what we needed. and my gratitude for that goes beyond my ability to say it in words. her life was celebrated and she was loved.

if you ask any parent every child and pregnancy is different. well that rings true for me. my children are thought of and celebrated in very different ways. i'm thankful for my daughter and the lessons she taught me about gratitude. she helped me love her brother and be more thankful for him than i would have been otherwise. someday we will all have to thank her for all she has done for us. but first i will maul her in kisses and hugs. dibs.

-one grateful momma.

(excuse my poor photo quality from my phone)

20 weeks- half way there

well we are half way there. what a blessing.

my goofy hubby below helped us score a great deal on a BOB stroller. Gotta love REI garage sales!

me at 20 weeks

a little comparison of our sweet babies:

                                                                       little man's foot                                                                     

      Sophia's foot

isn't it interesting you can all ready see that his is long and skinny like most newborn's feet are, and how her adorable foot was short and chubby- much like her :o)

little man's profile

Sophia's profile. 

note the differences in the chest size and face!

today i bought more kits to make these footprint ornaments for the little man- so he can be just like his big sister! 

sometimes when i see pictures of us- i feel sad that we won't be able to take a picture that includes our whole family. i know this is a life long issue that families deal with when you lose someone. you never feel like your picture includes everyone.  i wish that when he gets here i would have my arms full with my sweet children... instead i guess i get to hug him even better with just him to love on. poor kid is going to be smothered- if not by us then by our families.

what a great month and coming months- i was studying to get my certification as a neuroscience nurse- and i PASSED!! woo hoo. this month i get to do a photography class and visit my besty. next month i get to have not 1 but 2 baby showers! it's a bit early (26/28 weeks) but i don't really want to wait much longer to fly back home, as it is just so uncomfortable to be super pregnant and flying.  i can't tell you how excited i am- mainly just to celebrate with so many people that have prayed and cared for us over the last 1.5 years. 

anyway- one little thing to pray for- they have seen mild amounts of urine in the baby's kidneys. most of the time it is just due to the tubing to let the urine out gets looped/kinked while the boy parts are growing out. but of course they have to tell you all the other things it could be (which of course scare us). i had to laugh that when they give you stats on the fact you are low risk for something to bad happen- like 1 out of 35,000 which sounds like good odds- but we have been that 1 in 60,000 with Sophia. so odds aren't always comforting in our situation. we are trying to not worry about it- as Dr A says we shouldn't. so prayers would be appreciated that it goes away and doesn't indicate anything bigger going on. 

thank you for still reading and caring about our story as it continues on.

-mama t

its a....

That my friends is our healthy little BOY! 

(sorry my pics aren't very good- they were taken with my cell)

and those are the long.... normal sized legs. i love what Dr A wrote on the pic! 

we couldn't get over how big he looks compared to Sophia's. you really can tell the difference.

those are the two cute little feet that have started kicking me this week (well they have been kicking for awhile but I have just started feeling it). i absolutely love that part about pregnancy- where you can feel them moving and kicking. I am just feeling light little movement now- but it is definitely baby and i love it. it did make me a little sad as it reminds me of when Sophia used to kick me- she was a sassy little thing that even with her little limbs- always let me know she was there. i'll be interested to see how  it is different with a bigger baby.

like father like son....

his first outfit from his daddy.

i'll be honest- I have been a little (though my husband would say a lot) crazy/anxious in the past few weeks. i still wasn't showing a baby bump at all (so every night i was making him feel my stomach to feel for a baby). i was starting to freak out that something was wrong and that is why i wasn't growing in the middle. even though last time i was pregnant, i didn't show until 20 weeks or so. my problem is not knowing what is normal for me and what was due to having a smaller baby. Dr A's vote is that I just have a lot of space for a baby and that is why and since it took me so much longer to show compared to my friends, i guess now i believe her.  because look what came out this week.... a tiny little baby bump. i finally feel pregnant now (at 17 weeks).

now that i am finally able to feel and look pregnant, i finally feel like i am able to move forward with the pregnancy. my therapist kept pushing me to register and plan a nursery.... but i'll be honest, it is really hard to imaging actually having a baby to bring home. that this will really happen. that our lives will change this time in the way most new parents do- chaos and learning how to parent. but i think this week that has changed (she will be so proud of me) now that i feel pregnant and am starting to acknowledge i may actually end up with a baby at the end of this. i may actually get to hear my little boy's cry's and take him home to love on him a ridiculous amount. i get to see my husband be a daddy to our child for longer than a few hours. my hope is restored. i feel like i can believe again.

so this week- i seriously worked on the registries and thought about a nursery. i bought tickets to go home for baby showers. i met with work to figure out what my job will look like after the baby. we are starting to make plans for a new kind of budget and where we will live. we have talked about names for him... endlessly not agreeing yet.

next month we get another ultrasound- to check the heart since we couldn't see every part this week (it was still a little small at 16 weeks to see it well). oh darn! i get to see him again! we get to be relieved again that all is well (hopefully).

thank you for your prayers and continued thoughts. please continue to pray for his health and mine. i have been having a lot of heart palpitations this whole pregnancy. i finally mentioned it to them and am going to see a cardiologist this week. i had them once before about 3 years ago, but with the tiny work up we did, it didn't show anything but that i was having them and the dr said not to be worried. so we will see. i feel better actually getting checked out.

-baby boy dinkel's mommy.

baby dinkel #2

i have been dying to share with you all what has been on our hearts for the past few months:

Yep!! we found out in the beginning of December that God has blessed us with Baby Dinkel #2. we are so excited and terrified at the same time. 

these have been my friends.... i cannot get enough salty things...

i have drank alot of these!

our 8 week ultrasound.

Sophia's big sister shirt...

me at 12 weeks... no baby bump yet...

this week we had our 12 week ultrasound. which was a huge sigh of relief. 

i have been very anxious so far- worried that something would go wrong or that i should have a baby bump all ready and that the baby was small again. i mean i know that anything can go wrong at any time, but seeing that heart beat helped me take a deep breath. they also went and looked at the baby and stated that it's chest and arms/legs look normal sized. (Sophia's were both very small and if we had done a 12 week ultrasound would have all ready seen that they didn't look right) i started crying from the relief that this baby looks normal so far and that it is growing just fine. it actually was a little on the bigger size- which is fine by us. i also got to talk with dr A who gave me a pep talk too. she said that last time i was so big and should have been much more uncomfortable with all the extra amniotic fluid than i was- so I must just have a lot of room for a baby. it is so great having a dr who understands why i get a little anxious about this stuff and is willing to encourage me whenever i need it.

anyway- we are due around 08.18.12. i still find it a little hard to visualize or imagine bringing home a baby, but am so excited to be a mommy again. i can't wait to register for baby stuff, buy baby stuff, have baby showers, set up a real nursery... all of that fun pregnancy stuff that i didn't really get to do last time. most of all- we can't wait to hold this sweet baby... and tell it all about it's big sister.

we appreciate continued prayers for a healthy pregnancy and baby. and for my anxiety- that i continue to find peace and rest in God's plan. in 4 weeks we will measure the arms and legs and rule out for sure what Sophia had and hopefully find out if it is a boy or girl.

all our love- mommy, daddy, big sister sophia