books and brains

so i was rearranging our book shelves to make room for Sophia pictures. had to laugh when i saw these piled together... pregnancy, baby and grief books all together. who has that? we do... and far too many other families that have lost sweet babies. i find myself thinking of other babies who have been lost a lot lately. partly due to interacting with their mommies, but also because i like thinking of them and telling their mommies i have been doing so. i know i love hearing when someone has been thinking of Sophia, or looking at pictures of her. it makes her real and helps me know that she meant something to others. i encourage you to tell anyone who has lost a baby/child when you think of them. shoot- i try to make it a point to tell anyone when i am thinking of them, no matter what. it helps them know that though you may not see them or talk to them often that you think of them. it keeps the string between your hearts strong.

well i am doing well. better this past week. more laughs than tears. which is always a good equation. i was a mess last week until my friends came out to visit. i love being around people that you don't have to say alot, but just being together is comforting. so thank you janet and avita. i needed that visit more than i could ever tell you. just getting to show you my Sophia picture book and scrap book means alot to me. i treasure your friendships.

so this week was pretty good at work- i love being busy and pulled from room to room in the clinic. i feel like a real nurse again and i love it even more when i had a patient call for me, because another patient said "talk to tristen, she is the best and she can help answer your questions". i work with families on the Ketogenic Diet. i am passionate about this diet helping stop seizures for families who have failed multiple medications. so it is nice when they see my passion and call me for all the stuff i have crammed in my brian.

speaking of my brain- week by week it is getting a little better. i am still forgetful and not quite myself. hopefully as more of these pregnancy hormones leave my body i will get a little more better, but grief is what i think causes my "mushy brain" effect i have. i don't know if i will ever be back to me again.... but i am studying to get another certification (Certified Neuroscience Registered Nurse) so i hope my brain will cooperate. it would be embarrassing to not pass- tho i told my work i would study and try to take it this summer but if i'm not ready, ill wait for the fall. i need to be patient with myself. it will be a nice way to pass time and keep me busy.

other than that aaron and i are doing well. he has been so busy with work (2 jobs) volunteering at the fire station and taking fire fighter classes that we haven't seen each other much. i think today is the first time he is going to church with me in over a month. yesterday we did go to a matinee to see a movie together which was nice. i on the other hand have been miss social- went out dancing with friends from work on friday and went out for margarita's on saturday with my other friends. it was so nice to go out and laugh and have fun. i haven't really done that since Sept when Sophia was diagnosed. it feels weird having fun. i feel guilty. when dancing on the dance floor i kept thinking- you shouldn't be out here.... you just lost your baby. but you know what?! i NEED fun. i NEED to feel somewhat normal and that life can go on and i can laugh and have fun. thank good ness for people willing to take me out and make me laugh. thank you to all you girls this weekend. i NEED you in my life.

you know what else i NEED? to go read some of God's word. so off i go. he has big things to tell me as he continues to heal and comfort us. i cling to his word and love, desperate for his peace.

thought i would leave you with this cute little nugget!

-this beautiful little girl's mother

(yes- her shirt says "Little Lady" -found this at Target, it was the only other outfit she wore besides the dress. i wanted her to wear something that was like normal baby clothes. i also had an outfit that said "short and sweet". being new to being the mother of a little person, i am not sure if this is PC but it made me smile when i was pregnant and i knew people would be looking at her knowing she was different, but i wanted people to know we loved her for that and were proud she was smaller than other people. so please don't be offended by this outfit.)