happy 2nd birthday darling girl

i'm usually a sit down and write my heart out kind of girl. guess i am distracted as this is taking me a couple times to write. i'll blame it on being exhausted after a long day at work.

well we made through Sophia's 2nd birthday. i cannot believe it has been 2 years since we held her and kissed her sweet little little toes. man i miss those cute little toes. her brother is so much more bigger. and his toes are huge compared to hers.  i love seeing their footprints next to each other and remembering how sweet and small she was. she will always be our sweet little girl and we are so thankful for the time we got with her.

it was kind of a weird birthday weekend, as we had a wedding in chicago, but aj had to stay back in colorado to work. so we spent the day with my mom and step dad hanging out until the wedding. then my little man was my date. i thought the wedding was going to be hard (that whole seeing someone walk down the aisle and realizing i would never get to see her do that), but it wasn't. the blessing is that it was an indian wedding- so it wasn't that typical white dress walking down an aisle kind of scene. i was so mesmerized at all the ceremonial things happening that i didn't stop to think about anything else.

it was hard being apart from aj, mostly because it was just me to take care of B, so i didn't have any time to sit on a couch and cry a little. that lil guy kept me busy and fairly distracted. instead, i had a little "i miss my daughter" cryfest in my car earlier that week while driving.  honestly i was more brought to tears by all the wonderful things people did to remember sophia. it seriously takes my breath away the amazing people in our life.

my friend abby- lit a candle on a cupcake i gave her (this is the same kind we are taking up to her this weekend to where she is scattered)

my friend evangeline's daughter- wore her sophia rose and party dress to celebrate.

little brother blake and i made her this card.

the family i was staying with (maryellen and jim) had this waiting on the night table for me.

and of course- who could be sad for long, when we have this little blessing to remind us that life moves forward and that God had good things in store for us. a rainbow after the storm. he is such a joy and helps ease our pain. although he is not her, he is a baby to hold and hug and tell all about the one who came before him. the one who taught us how to be parents and taught us how to love despite the pain that would come. the one who will always have a big place in our hearts no matter how small she was.

sophia- we miss you and love you. we hope you got a really special birthday cake and your friends helped you blow out your #2 candle.

happy birthday darling.

-mommy, daddy and brother

a year of new

 i apologize for no blogging for awhile. our life has been a little chaotic. besides this sweet little boy keeping us busy we have had so many other great things happen.

i'll start with the most exciting.... A.J. is now a full time firefighter with Larkspur Fire Department. this is something we have been waiting about 5 years to have happen. we are are so so so excited. the picture below was taken of our family right after we found out the exciting news (even B was happy). today is actually his very first shift! this will be the year of stable work for A.J....

we moved... yes again. story of our lives.... but the great thing about our new place is that we got to give Blake a nursery. setting up a nursery is something i have been waiting to do since we were first pregnant with Sophia. i will admit i teared up while we were doing it- as i feel like this is something that a mommy just longs to do. and this mommy was really really excited. i couldn't help but think that we were supposed to put sophia in this crib and remember tearing it down after she was born... longing for the day we could put a baby in it. it was the first room totally unpacked. (pics are below) the rest of our place still looks like a disaster. but i will get it done. maybe not until this fall... when we hope to move again- in to our own house. this will be the year of saving....

this little guy has found his feet... which is super exciting for him! he has a toy now wherever we go. he   is such a sweet happy baby. although he doesn't want to nap or sleep lately, we are so very blessed by his daily smiles and wonderful personality. this will be a year of enjoying all the little things with him...

christmas with the family...  this went well. somehow thanksgiving went by without me giving too many thoughts to missing Sophia. probably because it was so busy with traveling. but christmas this year was were i missed her most. with having blake, i felt like our family was missing someone. i kept thinking she should be here tearing in to presents with her cute little arms. i think i was also sad not to be putting out all her christmas ornament stuff (since it is still somewhere i don't know). i may get her stuff our when i find it just to feel her around. 

our family picture. (notice i am wearing the rose we wear in sophia's memory.) 

while listening to a song this week, i kept thinking... i want to stay in this place for a long time. i want everything to be this good. i think with all that we have been through in the past 2 years, i am so thankful for where we are at in life. we have been so blessed this year and i am so excited for 2013. although i know that God may not only have good things in store for us all the time, i know that he is with us and will take care of us. that this is a blessing that he is giving us a new year to be together. my heart can't help but ache for those that are going into this new year missing some very dear people to them (as so many people i know are right now) and i pray for them to figure out what a new year will look like without their loved ones, i pray that day by day as the year goes on, the pain lessens, as i know it does. each day and year so far has brought us more peace and healing- as well as making memories more sweet.

may your year be one filled with grace and joy.... where ever you can find that.

thankful- the dinkels