Sunday, January 26, 2014

sophia- 3 years

my dear sweet girl, how has it been 3 years all ready since i last held you? your birthday came fast this year- your brother has kept us on our toes. gosh he would really like you. he smiles at older kids and follows them around.  when i watch him play with some of the kids that were born around the same time as you- i just imagine what it would be like for him to have an older sister to follow around… although he would have been bigger than you all ready. 

i miss you. i miss your sweet full head of hair. i miss your tiny tiny feet and hands…. and well every tiny thing about you. you were here but such a brief time, but hold such a big piece of my heart. 

i prayed to you for the first time this week. i don't know what i believe about angels and such. but i figured it was worth a shot when sweet harper was told she had an awful tumor. i asked you to watch over her and tell God to take special care of her. i have never done that before… and i'm not sure how that all works, but i figured if anyone has an in with God, it is you my dear. you see- since i had you, your mommy is such a worrier about other mommies and babies. i pray, i worry, and i hope that no one ever has to have bad things happen to them like we did. i pray no one cries those painful tears we had to. i pray no one's arms ache to hold their child like ours did. it doesn't always work… but oh when it does! i feel so much joy. thank you for that this week.

we bought a house this fall- i still haven't figured out where to put your stuff. i have little things all over the house. whether others know it or not, your presence is in every room. 

your daddy and i don't talk about you as much, but we both carry you with us in our own way. he misses you so much and although he can't say how much, i see it in his eyes and heart. your brother loves you too, he just doesn't know how much yet. we talk about you to him- i can't wait for the day he says your name back, which won't be that far from now. we told him that we are going to be celebrating you- i think he is mainly excited about the cupcakes i made to take you. i hope he continues to find joy and peace in this day. i hope he gets excited to take you your cupcake and read you a book. 

and well me. i love you and miss you. more than i could ever say. you are the one that made me a mom and you are the one that made me who i am today. a little broken and a little bit more whole.

i hope you and your friends have so much fun celebrating- if that is how it works in heaven. i added sprinkles to your cupcake because i thought a 3 year old would love that. i hope you do.

all our love.
-your family.

oh wee one. we love you.

my supplies for her cupcake

my rose cupcake (dairy and egg free might i add)

got them all boxed up and ready to go.

flowers for the birthday girl from our dear friends- jeff and marlee (and wyatt)