Sunday, January 29, 2012

thank you

i just wanted to take a moment to thank all of you that helped carry us through that time after we lost Sophia- the meals, the donations for meals... and the CARDS!!!

I have kept them... all 122 of them that we have gotten for sophia over the past year.

i am not sure what to do with them, as I do not like to keep stuff to just keep it.  so i went through the cards one last time (reading each one) and will be getting rid of them. it reminded me how we received so many cards from so many different parts of our life- and even some from people we have never met. they warmed my heart reading how many people can't wait to meet our little girl in heaven and prayed for us. it is a little over-whelming to think of all the people thinking and praying for us. how the heavens must have been swarmed with such loving prayers.

i remember feeling bad i couldn't write everyone thank you's for everything- there just wasn't words or the emotion for me to say how much it meant to us. especially the meals, gifts and donations in her memory.  so again i thank you all for getting us through this time and still now- supporting us.

in deepest gratitude- tristen and aj

Thursday, January 26, 2012

happy first birthday

happy birthday our beautiful sweet sweet girl...

it is so hard to believe that 1 year ago today we held you in our arms for a time that was far too short.  going back through all of your pictures and video, reminded me how far we have come. from those hours that I remember spending with you and you seemed so real and special, to the days after where we were in a grieving fog of tears and pain. the first few months were really really hard. then day by day, month by month we were given peace and our pain lessened. although our memories and love for you will never change. i remember the day you were born- we loved on you and talked to you and smothered you with more kisses and cuddles that one would ever think possible in just a few hours. when i left the hospital- i was in complete shock- i couldn't believe what had just happened and was too tired to feel very much. then that night after dinner, while we were sitting on the couch with some family, i finally realized- oh my gosh! i had a baby today (which felt like it had happened so long ago at that point) and she isn't here and my heart hurt more than i could fathom. (thank goodness for sleeping medications)

i look back and see how far aj and i have come- both personally and in our marriage. what a year this has been. one i never ever want to relive, but one i am so thankful for having gone through- because this meant you came in to our lives.  we are parents because you existed and we cared for you the best God would allow us.

today we brought you a cupcake (that had sprinkles on it- because we thought if you were here you would have liked that) with a #1 on it, a rose, a card from your daddy and we bought a present for you that we are going to donate in your memory.  can i just note- how stinking cute it would have been to watch you dig in to a cupcake with your cute little arms and hands. although i'm sure with the dinkel in you- you could take down some sweets.

there were some much needed/due tears and some laughs. when we lit your candle we sang you happy birthday- and as soon as we finished- the candle blew out. we both laughed and smiled thinking that you blew your candle out. it was perfect timing! we miss you and our hearts are full with love for you. our family and friends have been so very thoughtful this week- they have sent flowers, cards and so many loving thoughts/prayers. it helped carry us through.

the flowers we got from work...

i also put together a slide show of pictures of sophia and our time with her.... it took me awhile to decide if i wanted to share it, but you have prayed with us and carried us through our year. i am honored to show you our precious time with our daughter.


love- sophia's mommy and daddy