Friday, December 13, 2013

sweet christmas memories

look at me with like 3 blog posts in a row…. go me!

well christmas is quickly becoming my favorite time of the year.

i think my main reason is that it is the time of the year i actually feel like we are a family of 4. most of the year we appear to be a family of 3. but right now i get to bask in the idea that we have 4 family members. there are 4 stockings. there are 4 ornaments with names on them. there are ornaments for both my children on the tree. i get a little sad and a whole lot of happy. i love seeing Sophia stuff out everywhere… besides the stuff we keep out all year. this is the special stuff. the footprints. the ornaments that her nana and papa have gotten her from all over the world. she may not get to go to these places but they go and take a piece of her with them in their hearts. then bring her back proof that Sophia was with them.

our family ornaments. every one has one on my mom's side of the family.

i particularly love this ornament for Sophia. i think it is so accurate to her. so small and peaceful looking. it doesn't get much better than this.

anyway- i'm thankful it is christmas and then birthday time for both Sophia and I. tis a good time of the year. looking forward to making special memories with this guy. he is just a great kid.

hope this finds you enjoying your holiday season. finding joy and hope in unexpected ways.

love- the dinkels

Monday, December 9, 2013


well blake got his endoscopy (scope) and biopsy done before thanksgiving. we got the results this week.

before i get in to it- let me say that the endoscopy went well in terms of the procedure- but for a mother who has held a child who has died… then to hold your child as they go unconscious/lifeless with anesthesia… not good. i was not prepared for that. how that would shake me up not only that day but for a couple days. i didn't realize how that would trigger those feelings and bring back memories of holding sophia. if we have to do more of those, i will not stay in there for that again. i can't. thank goodness aj was there. my rock.

anyway- on to the results….blake has EOE which is what has been causing his vomiting. basically he has food allergies that are causing his body to build up a thing called eosinophils in his esophagus. so we are now seeing an allergist next monday to start testing for allergies.

at first i was like- okay- thats fine. we will test him and go from there. but the more i read and learn i am  a little bit of a mess. i am realizing what a long road this will be. not all food allergies show up with the skin test or the blood test. so most families have to go through elimination diets where you get rid of 6-8 of the most common allergies and then slowly add stuff in. it can be a very very long road. not only is it a hard thing to do, but even with us just getting rid of dairy, I am exhausted with looking at labels.  this is the kind of stuff that can drive you crazy… searching labels wondering what is causing him to throw up.

i'm sad. sad my boy will most likely have to fight this his whole life. sad he can't eat whatever he wants at birthday parties. sad my baby "has something". sad i don't have a healthy child.  i have had my pity party the past couple days.

i remember going through these stages of grief when we got sophia's diagnosis. sad we didn't' have the healthy perfect child we envisioned. then i started being okay with this. realizing that it could be worse.

i know i will get there soon. realizing that food allergies are not the end of the world, and it could be much worse. much much worse. we will make this work. he is such a happy healthy boy in so many other ways. we are fortunate because so far he is still a really good eater. and doesn't need a g-tube and isn't losing weight right now. i'm thankful that i have access to some good all natural stores to find foods he can eat.

i'm praying. praying for answers sooner than later. that our road isn't as severe as some that i have read about. that we are able to care for him the best we can.

thanks for letting me wallow a bit. sometimes you gotta do that before you can get up- pull up your big girl panties and move along. or in my case. go to bed so i can keep up with that adorable busy boy we are blessed to have in our lives.

EOE's biggest enemy- t