Sunday, January 26, 2014

sophia- 3 years

my dear sweet girl, how has it been 3 years all ready since i last held you? your birthday came fast this year- your brother has kept us on our toes. gosh he would really like you. he smiles at older kids and follows them around.  when i watch him play with some of the kids that were born around the same time as you- i just imagine what it would be like for him to have an older sister to follow around… although he would have been bigger than you all ready. 

i miss you. i miss your sweet full head of hair. i miss your tiny tiny feet and hands…. and well every tiny thing about you. you were here but such a brief time, but hold such a big piece of my heart. 

i prayed to you for the first time this week. i don't know what i believe about angels and such. but i figured it was worth a shot when sweet harper was told she had an awful tumor. i asked you to watch over her and tell God to take special care of her. i have never done that before… and i'm not sure how that all works, but i figured if anyone has an in with God, it is you my dear. you see- since i had you, your mommy is such a worrier about other mommies and babies. i pray, i worry, and i hope that no one ever has to have bad things happen to them like we did. i pray no one cries those painful tears we had to. i pray no one's arms ache to hold their child like ours did. it doesn't always work… but oh when it does! i feel so much joy. thank you for that this week.

we bought a house this fall- i still haven't figured out where to put your stuff. i have little things all over the house. whether others know it or not, your presence is in every room. 

your daddy and i don't talk about you as much, but we both carry you with us in our own way. he misses you so much and although he can't say how much, i see it in his eyes and heart. your brother loves you too, he just doesn't know how much yet. we talk about you to him- i can't wait for the day he says your name back, which won't be that far from now. we told him that we are going to be celebrating you- i think he is mainly excited about the cupcakes i made to take you. i hope he continues to find joy and peace in this day. i hope he gets excited to take you your cupcake and read you a book. 

and well me. i love you and miss you. more than i could ever say. you are the one that made me a mom and you are the one that made me who i am today. a little broken and a little bit more whole.

i hope you and your friends have so much fun celebrating- if that is how it works in heaven. i added sprinkles to your cupcake because i thought a 3 year old would love that. i hope you do.

all our love.
-your family.

oh wee one. we love you.

my supplies for her cupcake

my rose cupcake (dairy and egg free might i add)

got them all boxed up and ready to go.

flowers for the birthday girl from our dear friends- jeff and marlee (and wyatt)


  1. Dear Tristan, in the Catholic faith we celebrate the "Communion of Saints" and pray to those who have gone to heaven before us. We believe that they are closest to God and can intercede on our behalf. What a comfort. Happy birthday to your beautiful little girl!

  2. Tristen, What a beautiful letter and tribute to your sweet Sophia. I, too, talk to our son who died at 4 months old, nearly 49 years ago. It is such a comfort to do this!