march madness

well life is busy. i am not as good a blogger as i used to be. guess that is a good thing- playing with my cute baby is more important. speaking of... here he is. i adore him.

he is currently sick with an ear infection which equals a long nap and some mommy free time.

life is good... we are both working a lot. traveling for family events. 

i have though of sophia almost daily recently. blake loves older kids. i mean if he sees one on tv he is smiling at them. i just can't help but think he is a kid that should have an older sibling. he would LOVE it. heck- we all would.  but it just makes me think how entertained he would be if his big sister was here to make funny faces at him and steal his toys and all that good older sibling stuff. although he would be taller than her all ready, which makes me giggle at how cute she would be.

anyway- boring posts are good posts. we need some boring life stuff for awhile. time to just enjoy each other.

speaking of... the lil monster is awaking. till next time....

-td

happy 2nd birthday darling girl

i'm usually a sit down and write my heart out kind of girl. guess i am distracted as this is taking me a couple times to write. i'll blame it on being exhausted after a long day at work.

well we made through Sophia's 2nd birthday. i cannot believe it has been 2 years since we held her and kissed her sweet little little toes. man i miss those cute little toes. her brother is so much more bigger. and his toes are huge compared to hers.  i love seeing their footprints next to each other and remembering how sweet and small she was. she will always be our sweet little girl and we are so thankful for the time we got with her.

it was kind of a weird birthday weekend, as we had a wedding in chicago, but aj had to stay back in colorado to work. so we spent the day with my mom and step dad hanging out until the wedding. then my little man was my date. i thought the wedding was going to be hard (that whole seeing someone walk down the aisle and realizing i would never get to see her do that), but it wasn't. the blessing is that it was an indian wedding- so it wasn't that typical white dress walking down an aisle kind of scene. i was so mesmerized at all the ceremonial things happening that i didn't stop to think about anything else.

it was hard being apart from aj, mostly because it was just me to take care of B, so i didn't have any time to sit on a couch and cry a little. that lil guy kept me busy and fairly distracted. instead, i had a little "i miss my daughter" cryfest in my car earlier that week while driving.  honestly i was more brought to tears by all the wonderful things people did to remember sophia. it seriously takes my breath away the amazing people in our life.

my friend abby- lit a candle on a cupcake i gave her (this is the same kind we are taking up to her this weekend to where she is scattered)

my friend evangeline's daughter- wore her sophia rose and party dress to celebrate.

little brother blake and i made her this card.

the family i was staying with (maryellen and jim) had this waiting on the night table for me.

and of course- who could be sad for long, when we have this little blessing to remind us that life moves forward and that God had good things in store for us. a rainbow after the storm. he is such a joy and helps ease our pain. although he is not her, he is a baby to hold and hug and tell all about the one who came before him. the one who taught us how to be parents and taught us how to love despite the pain that would come. the one who will always have a big place in our hearts no matter how small she was.

sophia- we miss you and love you. we hope you got a really special birthday cake and your friends helped you blow out your #2 candle.

happy birthday darling.

-mommy, daddy and brother

a year of new

 i apologize for no blogging for awhile. our life has been a little chaotic. besides this sweet little boy keeping us busy we have had so many other great things happen.

i'll start with the most exciting.... A.J. is now a full time firefighter with Larkspur Fire Department. this is something we have been waiting about 5 years to have happen. we are are so so so excited. the picture below was taken of our family right after we found out the exciting news (even B was happy). today is actually his very first shift! this will be the year of stable work for A.J....

we moved... yes again. story of our lives.... but the great thing about our new place is that we got to give Blake a nursery. setting up a nursery is something i have been waiting to do since we were first pregnant with Sophia. i will admit i teared up while we were doing it- as i feel like this is something that a mommy just longs to do. and this mommy was really really excited. i couldn't help but think that we were supposed to put sophia in this crib and remember tearing it down after she was born... longing for the day we could put a baby in it. it was the first room totally unpacked. (pics are below) the rest of our place still looks like a disaster. but i will get it done. maybe not until this fall... when we hope to move again- in to our own house. this will be the year of saving....

this little guy has found his feet... which is super exciting for him! he has a toy now wherever we go. he   is such a sweet happy baby. although he doesn't want to nap or sleep lately, we are so very blessed by his daily smiles and wonderful personality. this will be a year of enjoying all the little things with him...

christmas with the family...  this went well. somehow thanksgiving went by without me giving too many thoughts to missing Sophia. probably because it was so busy with traveling. but christmas this year was were i missed her most. with having blake, i felt like our family was missing someone. i kept thinking she should be here tearing in to presents with her cute little arms. i think i was also sad not to be putting out all her christmas ornament stuff (since it is still somewhere i don't know). i may get her stuff our when i find it just to feel her around. 

our family picture. (notice i am wearing the rose we wear in sophia's memory.) 

while listening to a song this week, i kept thinking... i want to stay in this place for a long time. i want everything to be this good. i think with all that we have been through in the past 2 years, i am so thankful for where we are at in life. we have been so blessed this year and i am so excited for 2013. although i know that God may not only have good things in store for us all the time, i know that he is with us and will take care of us. that this is a blessing that he is giving us a new year to be together. my heart can't help but ache for those that are going into this new year missing some very dear people to them (as so many people i know are right now) and i pray for them to figure out what a new year will look like without their loved ones, i pray that day by day as the year goes on, the pain lessens, as i know it does. each day and year so far has brought us more peace and healing- as well as making memories more sweet.

may your year be one filled with grace and joy.... where ever you can find that.

thankful- the dinkels

2 months down

well our little guy... and us- have made it through the first 2 months.

those first 2 months are rough- alot of crying, eating and broken up sleep. it is finally starting to even out. he is not crying very much at all- he is actually a super happy smiley baby most of the time. and is starting to sleep better- 5-7 hours at a time at night.

we are starting to sleep train him- which people call "sleep training" or "learning to sleep independently"- which are basically nice ways of saying- you let your baby scream his head off when you put him down to sleep. i don't think i realized everyone basically does this- but they do. and so we are... mostly because i want him to sleep without me holding him to get him to sleep so that when he goes to the baby-sitters in 2 weeks that he will be easier for her to take care of him. also- because i want him to get some good hugs and kisses in between the cry sessions. i can't decide who it is harder on- him or us?

we think he is just the cutest baby ever- but don't all parents think that? we are suppose to so we can tolerate the hard parts of parenting right? but seriously- look at this kid:

cute-teeee...

look how much he had changed from month 1 to month 2:

anyway- we are completely in love with this kid and loving being parents. even though it is a super tough job- it is one we feel so blessed to be able to do.

i go back to work next week (now for the common question: how do you feel about that? are you so sad?) maybe i am a bad mom, but i am kind of glad to go back and have a break here and there from being a full time mommy every second of the day. i am glad to go pee and eat meals without holding a baby. it will only be 2 days a week- which i think is perfect. enough time to feel like a functioning adult and have real thought and conversation, but not too long to be away from him. i do think that any more than that and i would be sad. i like being responsible for teaching him things and making him smile most of the day.  i'm hoping something will come together in the next week or so and i will go back to a job that is a little different than what i have been doing, but hopefully still within Neurology.

we unfortunately have had some job changes occur for aj, so we are not going to be able to buy a house right now. instead we are going to have to move again- as we had only moved in this 1 bedroom apt while we looked for a house (and have kept a lot of our stuff in storage). so we shall move again in to a 2 bedroom condo for 11 months and save some more and hopefully buy a house then. there are some perks to this condo: the price is good, it's near our church and most of our friends and the little guy can have his own room. it's not what we had planned to do, but life happens. so we are thankful for this opportunity that opened up to us. but ugh! moving again. and then again. i'm ready for a house so i can stop moving for a long while. ha.

well that is us for now. thanks for reading and caring about what is going on in our lives.

the proudest mommy around- tristen

Sophia and dwarfism

well it is Dwarfism Awareness month. If you want to read up on it-http://www.understandingdwarfism.com .

i can't help but think of our sweet little girl. it is weird as i feel tied to the world of little people and love following blogs of other parents that have children with dwarfism. mainly because i love seeing them live these wonderful lives and thinking of what our sweet girl would look like if she were here with us now. i know i have said it before- even though it would have been a hard path we would have loved raising Sophia. she would have been so dang cute.

the weird part is having a child who had dwarfism and feeling tied to that community, yet not looking like i should be tied to it. it is weird- as when i see a little person- i want to run up and say hey- my daughter had dwarfism. it would be weird and awkward i am sure, just because they have dwarfism i think they should care my daughter did- silly i know. i think i just want to feel that connection to those like my daughter. but i know that if i had her with me they would stop and notice her. (maybe i am wrong). i see other parents talking (they call themselves POLP -parent of a little person). which i know i technically am, but since i don't live it day to day it doesn't feel as real.

a lot of little people don't want to be defined with having dwarfism as they are so much more than just that. and they are. but with losing a child to dwarfism- it really does define my child. we didn't have the opportunity to have her spunky personality (which i am sure she would have had) define her. all we had was her physical self and all the cute small parts are what defined her and is what we have to remember her by. so while some want to move past the fact they have dwarfism- i want to cling to that. as it is really all we have that made her special and was what God blessed her with. 

anyway- i can't wait to tell Blake all about his big (little) sister. i hope that one day he is proud of who she is and what made her special. i hope he stands up for those that look different and appreciates them for their differences. i hope he (like us) has a special place in his heart for those with dwarfism.

i hope you all think of little people a different way after having known Sophia. i also am using this post to help remind people to not use the "m word". if you want to read why that is offensive- this great post helped explain it in a detailed way http://knoahsarc.org/2010/04/25/the-m-word-repost-from-0909/.

here is the little guy- wearing a shirt super proud to be Sophia's little brother.

speaking of that little cutie... here she is.  (i didn't think they looked that much alike before but i think they do here)

polp- tristen

baby blake

wow. having a baby at home is awesome. i mean really really awesome.

we are so completely in love with our little guy and seriously can't get enough of him. poor kid gets smothered in kisses and hugs.

it is finally starting to set in that this is our baby. we are going to raise him. he will know we are his parents. i have literally cried tears of joy over this, as i feel so fortunate to get to do this. the other day i had him snuggled on my chest and kept thinking- this is what i was made for. i was made to be a mommy. i love this new role more than anything. when my doctor asks about baby blues- i only say i am crying tears of joy. i actually feel a blissful high from my sweet baby.

i know it isn't a new role, but it is. i think having him has shown me how incredibly fast our time passed with sophia and how it really didn't feel real before it was all ready over. the snuggles and kisses were cut short. we got to look at all her details but not long enough. by the time it set in that she was our baby, she was gone and i cried hard missing my baby. my arms ached for more time.

i keep thinking of this song that says- "There is hope in your name, mourning turns to songs of praise". that is where i feel we are. we can praise God for not only this little boy but for the big sister we get to tell him all about.

i will say that it all was so much was easier this time. the birth/labor was quick. my recovery has been better. my body seems to have bounced back quicker and i feel over all good. i don't know if it is because the labor was quicker or if the fact that i now have a baby to keep my attention. even just being able to breast feed has helped- as it felt like i had a big ole belly last time alot longer. i just cannot stress how much better this birth was- as i was so anxious about it being long and painful. it was awesome- so much so that afterward i told aj i want to have a million more babies. ha! not really- but i see how people can have multiple kids now. i was starting to doubt i could keep doing this if it was as rough as it was (physically) as it was last time.

anyway- our joy is ridiculous. as is our family's. we are all so in love with him and feeling so blessed.  thank you for all your prayers and love. below is a link to some pics of the little guy and our new little family.

http://www.oertliphotography.com/2012/08/baby-blake-is-here-littleton-newborn-photographer/

full of joy- the dinkel family!

Another update

Well Blake is out of the NICU. The doctors think the only problem was the inflammation from the suctioning and it's been improving with the nose drops. He's not grunting as much and he's breathing really well. So they moved us back to our regular room and they're just going to keep us for one more night and then hopefully we get to take him tomorrow! Thanks for the prayers.