anniversary of love

i should be going to bed but i'm not. sleep is far from my mind. unfortunately.

this is a week full of many things. today is Aaron and I's 3 year wedding anniversary. 3 wonderful but very tough years. marriage is a wonderful thing, that i highly recommend. it is also the hardest thing i have ever done. YEP! even after the year i have gone through, i would still say marriage is the hardest thing. mostly because when married you make a daily choice to love the other person and choosing to love them beyond anything. i have grown so much.

this anniversary brings me tears and sadness. a year ago today- we were almost 20 weeks pregnant. we spent this day full of excitement about the fact that by the next anniversary we would be 3 in our family. we would have a little baby. we spent the night at dinner giddy and excited for the future. we were going to find out in 4 days what the sex of our little baby was going to be. i was just barely showing and couldn't wait for the world to take notice of my little baby bump.

then.... four days later our world crashed. reality smacked us and the next year would not end of being one of the happiest in our lives. instead it would be the worst, hardest, most painful and somehow a happy one. we would get to meet our daughter. see ourselves and our marriage grow in leaps and bounds. grow closer to God. experience things we didn't know we could live through. i can't begin to say how proud i am of where we have come. yes.... we have done some marriage counseling in the past few months. (something i want to do the rest of our lives every few years, as it is seriously amazing to be reminded how to fight fair and communicate and show the other person you really love them) i am so glad we did it as a precaution to be purposeful about our relationship- so it didn't get lost in all the grief and pain we have been through.  last night while at dinner, we both agreed that we are in the best place our marriage and relationship has ever been. we have come out of this process intact (though i know it isn't over) and not only intact, but flourishing. we are blessed to have each other and God is still at the center of our relationship.

we are also both mourning the fact that we came to the conclusion that Zoe can no longer stay with us. she has become too much to handle in our tiny little town home. not only is she too big for our little space, but she really needs someone home with her and giving her love and attention. we just aren't home enough. it was a sad realization that although we love and adore her- that we aren't the best choice for her. so we have found an adorable family that will be taking her and loving her. so tonight is my last night to play with my scruffy dog.

a week of mixed emotions. but it comes on the end of an amazing weekend. i am so incredibly blessed to have my beautiful friend abby come to visit me. we drank margarita's, crafted (aka did some embossing), hiked, talked, drank more margarita's, hung out, cooked and laughed. in fact we laughed a lot.... which is why i adore being friends with her. she makes me laugh. she also took time to look through all of sophia's stuff with me, cry over it with me and watch my video of her arrival. i am so proud to show off my girl and all of her sweet stuff. it reminds me i am a mommy and she becomes more real to someone else. my favorite part was when i showed her our video of sophia's birth and the time we spent with her- she just kept saying- "look at aaron, he is such a great dad, oh look at him love on her".

she is right. he is an amazing dad and i love watching video of him with sophia. he just rocks her back and forth and gazes at her. THAT is my husband. THAT is the man i am honored to be married to the rest of my life and then some.  i adore him and hope for lots and lots more of anniversaries, especially ones where our arms are full of our cute kids.

-mrs. aaron dinkel